Grief Recovery Series: Written by Patricia D. Freudenberg
Condemnation in grief often arrives cloaked in the garments of blame. It can be pointed outward—toward the person who transitioned, toward offenders, or even toward circumstances. It can also turn inward, becoming self-condemnation, with thoughts like, “If only I had done something differently, they would still be here.”
From a spiritual perspective, condemnation is deeply tied to forgiveness and acceptance. Whether we blame a person for not taking better care of themselves, hold resentment toward an offender, or wrestle with our own choices, condemnation is resistance in disguise. It resists the present truth, trapping us in what cannot be changed.
In grief, this blame often partners with anger—one of the natural steps in the grieving process. It feels justified because our mind desperately seeks reason in the chaos of loss. But when we cling to condemnation, we also cling to pain.
The act of releasing condemnation is not about dismissing what happened—it’s about freeing ourselves from the mental grip of what can no longer be undone. Forgiveness, in this sense, is not just for others; it is a profound act of self-care. Forgetting, too, is not erasing memory—it’s releasing the cycle of repetitive thoughts that keep you in emotional resistance.
Acceptance opens the flow of healing. You can shift your mindset, like changing the channel on your inner radio or inner screen. Other people may inspire and influence you, but ultimately, you hold the remote control to your own peace.
Stanford Research Insight
Stanford University research in self-directed neuroplasticity (Dr. Jeffrey M. Schwartz, Stanford-affiliated researcher in psychiatry) suggests that repeatedly redirecting our thoughts—essentially “changing the channel” in our mind—can weaken neural pathways associated with rumination and strengthen those tied to acceptance and emotional regulation. Over time, this practice not only reduces anxiety and anger but also fosters greater emotional resilience after loss.
Quote by Patricia D. Freudenberg
“Condemnation locks you in yesterday’s pain; forgiveness opens tomorrow’s door.”
Reflection Prompt
When you catch yourself replaying “what ifs,” what new thought could you substitute in that moment to honor your loved one’s memory instead of condemning the past?
Recommended Reading Live Your Legacy: A New Spin on Mourning by Patricia D. Freudenberg
Discover the seventh step in grief recovery—Legacy, the light at the end of the tunnel.
Available on Amazon
All Rights Reserved © Patricia D. Freudenberg
Certified End-of-Life Coach | Founder & CEO of Miss-U-Gram®
http://www.miss-u-gram.com
