What to Expect in Grief
By Patricia D. Freudenberg
Today’s Reflection As part of our ongoing grief recovery series, we’re exploring the foundational stages that individuals may experience in their grief walk. Today, we’re focusing on Denial.
As a Certified End-of-Life Coach, I’ve seen how denial often shows up in the early stages of grief—sometimes quietly, other times loud and paralyzing. It doesn’t affect everyone the same way, but for many, it serves an essential function in the immediate aftermath of a loss.
Denial is the initial shock and refusal to accept the loss, acting as a protective buffer. During this phase, individuals may experience:
Disbelief
Numbness
Emotional shutdown
An internal narrative that “this can’t be real”
In this state, people often cling to the idea that the loss hasn’t truly happened, holding out hope that perhaps there’s been a mistake. Denial allows the mind and body to absorb the impact slowly, protecting us from emotional collapse.
It might sound cliché, but it’s the raw truth: shock can kill. The human body under extreme emotional stress can suffer from cardiac events, paralysis, or psychological breakdowns. In this sense, denial can be a life-saving grace.
But while denial might comfort you temporarily, it is not designed to be a long-term residence. If you begin to feel stuck in this stage, or if loved ones gently express concern, it may be time to take a courageous step forward. Consider speaking with a grief professional or counselor who can walk alongside you as you transition out of denial into deeper healing.
Medical Insight According to research from Stanford Medicine’s Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, the brain processes emotional trauma in layers, and denial is a well-documented defense mechanism. When used temporarily, it gives the mind time to adjust to traumatic information without becoming overwhelmed. However, prolonged denial can inhibit cognitive restructuring and emotional regulation, delaying the healing process. [Source link below]
Stanford Medicine – Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences
Prompt for Personal Reflection Have I allowed myself the space to gently acknowledge the reality of my loss, or am I still holding on to disbelief? What would it feel like to let in just a little truth today?
Acknowledgment Special thanks to Chef Shana for recommending and requesting this heartfelt series, What to Expect in Grief. Your encouragement and vision inspired this meaningful exploration of the stages of grief, one step at a time. I’m honored to walk this journey with our readers in your spirit of compassion and insight.
Book Recommendation Live Your Legacy: A New Spin on Mourning By Patricia D. Freudenberg This guide offers readers a compassionate path through grief, including an expanded view of recovery by introducing Legacy as a vital seventh step. The chapter on Mind Over Matter teaches how grief affects our thought patterns and how denial, when gently acknowledged, can lead to meaningful transformation.
Available now on Amazon ⬇️
© 2025 Patricia D. Freudenberg, Certified End-of-Life Coach. All Rights Reserved
