What to Expect in Grief
By Patricia D. Freudenberg
As we continue our journey through the stages of grief, today’s reflection centers on Emotional Release—a stage often characterized by anger.
As reality sets in, emotions rise. Frustration, blame, and even guilt may surface. These expressions of anger are not flaws in character—they are signs of love, pain, and human vulnerability. This stage may manifest as irritability, outbursts, or a deep sense of injustice. Anger might be directed outward—toward others, oneself, or even the departed. It may seem irrational or overwhelming, but it serves a real and necessary purpose in the healing process.
According to Dr. Hans Steiner, Professor Emeritus at Stanford’s Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, anger is often undervalued and misunderstood. He explains that anger signals a perceived threat or injustice and can serve as a motivator to address what feels broken. However, when anger is suppressed or misdirected, it can become maladaptive, leading to aggression or internal emotional distress. Recognizing and processing anger in healthy, non-harmful ways is crucial for long-term mental wellness.
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However, this article is also a reminder to be mindful of projection. While anger is natural, it’s important to be aware of how we express it. If you are in the presence of others, consider telling them what you’re experiencing. Let them know you’re not projecting anger at them—you’re simply feeling. Ask for grace. Ask for space. Give yourself permission to step away, breathe, and unwind.
Need to yell? That’s okay—as long as you’re not yelling at someone else. Yell into a pillow. Scream in the car. Let it out in a safe, private space. Expression is healthy. Projection is hurtful.
This is why this series, What to Expect in Grief, is so important. Preparedness is power. When you understand what might come, you’re better equipped when it does.
Stanford’s ongoing research on mental health and grief supports this idea. Being educated and emotionally prepared for grief responses—like anger—can reduce long-term psychological distress and promote emotional resilience. Preparedness equips us not only to feel our emotions, but to process and communicate them in healthy ways. It’s like installing a fire alarm: we hope we never need it, but we wouldn’t live without one. The difference is, in life, death will happen—so let’s be equipped with compassion, tools, and awareness.
And while we may not be able to restore the physical presence of our loved one, we can take steps toward restoring our own inner peace—and that is part of the healing journey.
Reflection Prompt: How can you express your anger safely today without projecting it onto others? What does emotional release look like for you in a healthy, healing way?
Book Recommendation:
To continue exploring the healing process and learn how to integrate legacy into your grief recovery, I invite you to read: Live Your Legacy: A New Spin on Mourning Written by Patricia D. Freudenberg, this guide offers a transformative approach to grief, featuring personal insights, practical tools, and the powerful concept of “legacy” as the seventh stage of healing.
Available now on Amazon (click link below) or by searching the title:
LIVE YOUR LEGACY: A New Spin On Mourning
© 2025 Patricia D. Freudenberg, Certified End-of-Life Coach. All Rights Reserved
