By Patricia D. Freudenberg
There are moments in life that are simply not ordinary. Grief—especially in its early onset—is one of them. These moments are extraordinary. Not because they are magical or triumphant, but because they pull us out of the normal current of life and place us into a new dimension of emotional intensity. A dimension that feels isolating, disorienting, and profoundly unforgettable.
As an End-of-Life Coach, I often remind others that these experiences are to be expected. This is not an ordinary day. It’s not an ordinary condition. It’s a life-changing reality—one that may begin with a phone call, a sudden diagnosis, or a heartbreaking goodbye. Whether it’s planning a funeral, managing a loved one’s estate, or simply surviving the first birthday or holiday without them, these tasks and emotions are monumental. They are once and done. And they are extraordinary.
The human nervous system registers these moments as threats to our balance. According to research from Stanford University’s Early Life Stress and Resilience Program (ELSRP), when people encounter traumatic or life-altering events, their stress response systems go into high alert. While this is a natural protective mechanism, without recognition and regulation, the body and mind can become stuck in patterns of hypervigilance or shutdown. Recognizing the extraordinary nature of grief can help bring awareness to these physiological reactions—and eventually, healing.
Stanford’s Center for Youth Mental Health and Wellbeing also emphasizes early support and validation as key components in trauma recovery. While they focus on youth, the principles apply broadly: safety, self-expression, and supportive community create the foundation for emotional resilience.
And so, I gently say this: If you’re feeling overwhelmed or emotionally paralyzed, know that it’s not a failure—it’s a reflection of the extraordinary conditions you are walking through. Just recognizing this may bring you closer to grounding, to focus, and to an internal alignment that helps carry you forward.
In time, we begin to memorialize. We find comfort in memory, in legacy. In fact, legacy is what I teach as the seventh stage of grief—the stage that reminds us that our loved ones’ lives didn’t just end; they continue through us. That’s the light at the end of the tunnel. But first, we must recognize and honor the extraordinary darkness we walk through. Only then can we begin to notice the light.
This too shall pass. Not the love. Not the memory. Not the longing. But the chaos of the moment. With support, time, and intention, we find our way—not back to the person we were, but forward to someone who carries legacy with grace.
Stanford Research Resources:
Early Life Stress and Resilience Program
(ELSRP) ⬇️
https://med.stanford.edu/elspap/Resources.html
Stanford Center for Youth Mental Health and Wellbeing⬇️
https://med.stanford.edu/psychiatry/special-initiatives/youthwellbeing/whoweare.html
Reflection Prompt: What has felt extraordinary to you during this grief journey, and how might recognizing it as such help you walk with more compassion for yourself?
Recommendation:
Live Your Legacy: A New Spin On Mourning
Book by Patricia Freudenberg, Certified End-of-Life Coach
As we navigate through life we come to realize that we cannot eradicate the valleys of grief.This guidebook provides a variety of techniques to cope with grief putting a new spin on mourning. Taking the first step in coping with grief is indeed crucial for self-help.
Available on Amazon ⬇️
© 2025 Patricia D. Freudenberg, Certified End-of-Life Coach. All Rights Reserved
