By Patricia D. Freudenberg
As we continue reflecting on our grief etiquette series, today’s newsletter revisits three vital principles that help us navigate the emotional terrain of loss—with courage, clarity, and compassion.
1. Projection – When Support Turns into Substitution Projection occurs when we unintentionally place our own emotions or expectations onto someone else’s grief. Though often well-meaning, saying things like “I know exactly how you feel” or assuming someone should feel a certain way can overshadow their unique experience. Do: Let the griever express their own emotions in their own time. Listen actively. Don’t: Replace their story with your assumptions or your own narrative.
2. The Elephant in the Room – Acknowledge What Hurts Avoiding mention of the loss often stems from a desire to prevent pain, yet it can make the griever feel more isolated. Silence around the obvious becomes a wall. Do: Say their name. Acknowledge the absence. Let love be louder than fear. Don’t: Minimize or ignore their reality. Being present is more important than being perfect.
3. Encourage Good Coping – Inspire with Compassion When someone is grieving, encouragement can be a beautiful gesture—as long as it’s offered with gentleness and without pressure. Support doesn’t mean prescribing what to do; it means offering hope, strength, and presence in a way that respects their journey. Do: Inspire with kindness—share what helped you, gently suggest rest, prayer, creativity, or meaningful routines, always with their pace in mind. Don’t: Impose or rush healing. Let your words come from love, not urgency.
Each of these touchpoints asks us to be present, mindful, and respectful. True support lies not in fixing pain, but in honoring it. As we recap these lessons, let’s continue learning how to love others through their hardest seasons—with honesty and grace.
© 2025 Patricia D. Freudenberg, Certified End-of-Life Coach. All Rights Reserved
