By Patricia D. Freudenberg
When we see a box labeled “Handle with Care,” our instincts kick in. We hold it differently. We shift our posture. We move slower. We pay attention. Why? Because we’ve been warned—it’s fragile. What if we approached people, especially in times of grief, with the same caution?
Whether you are grieving or supporting someone who is, this message is for you: Handle with care.
It might seem obvious, even cliché, but are we truly doing it? Are we speaking softly? Are we watching our expressions? Are we rushing to react or are we responding with presence and patience?
A Gentle Analogy: The Mother and the Crying Baby
Imagine a mother and her crying baby. If the mother rushes in and abruptly lifts the baby, the crying might intensify. But when she slowly bends down, gently wraps her arms around the baby, and whispers reassurance—there’s a shift. Calm begins to enter. Grief is like that baby. Abrupt actions can amplify it. Tenderness soothes it. Whether it’s a hug, a phone call, a shared memory, or even a smile—delivery matters. A slow-rising smile can say “I see you,” while a quick grin might feel dismissive or tone-deaf.
The Fragility of Emotion: Glass Bottle Analogy
Think of emotions like a glass bottle. Though invisible to the naked eye, they carry a similar fragility. During early grief, the glass is thinnest. One drop too many, and it could shatter. And this isn’t limited to the griever. Supporters can experience frustration, guilt, or helplessness—all fragile feelings, too.
Even research from Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE) shows that emotional states—especially during grief—are heightened and biologically more sensitive. Their studies highlight how gentle interpersonal behaviors can help regulate the nervous system and reduce emotional distress. It’s a physiological truth: care calms the chaos.
A Gentle Reminder
In grief, the person might not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel. And in your own grief, the way you treat yourself can either fracture or foster your healing. So please: Handle with care. Handle them with care. Handle yourself with care, too. Grief can be relentless, and the world often doesn’t pause for your pain. But you can. Give yourself permission to breathe, to rest, to not have all the answers. Speak to yourself the way you would to a child who’s hurting—with tenderness, patience, and grace. Whether it’s a walk, a nap, journaling, prayer, or just doing nothing, self-care is not a luxury—it’s an act of emotional survival. Treat your thoughts like they matter. Because they do. You matter.
Book Recommendation:
Self-Care for Grief: 100 Practices for Healing During Times of Loss by Nneka M. Okona is a compassionate guide offering 100 simple yet powerful self-care practices to help individuals navigate the grieving process. Designed for those who are mourning or supporting someone in grief, the book emphasizes emotional nourishment, physical care, and spiritual reflection. Each activity is mindful and gentle, encouraging readers to slow down, be present with their emotions, and foster healing one step at a time.
Available on Amazon ⬇️
Self-Care for Grief: 100 Practices for Healing During Times of Loss
© 2025 Patricia D. Freudenberg, Certified End-of-Life Coach. All Rights Reserved.
