Written by Patricia D. Freudenberg
There is a particular kind of ache reserved for someone we used to know.
Not always family.
Not always in the inner circle.
Sometimes a colleague, an associate, or a familiar presence who once occupied a space in our orbit quietly shifts out of view.
And yet, the weight lands.
In my grief consulting community groups, this is where nuance matters. Grief is not a one-size-fits-all experience. Loss of life carries a gravity unlike any other, and it deserves reverence. At the same time, grief is not limited to death. The body does not differentiate between the loss of a person, a role, a relationship, or a version of life that once felt familiar. The nervous system simply registers absence.
From a state-of-mind perspective, grief is grief.
From an energetic perspective, grief rests low on the frequency scale.
From a human perspective, grief asks the same question every time: now what?
So let’s talk about language.
“Someone that I used to know” carries a heaviness. It implies finality. It closes the door, labels the relationship expired, archived, boxed. But what if that language no longer serves us?
What if we changed the narrative?
As I teach in grief consulting, when a human being transitions, nothing is destroyed. Science confirms this. Matter changes form. The body returns to dust. The energy, the pulse, the essence that animated the heart transforms. Whether you approach this spiritually, mystically, or scientifically, the conclusion is the same: transformation, not erasure.
So the question becomes, what feels good to your soul to believe?
Peace is the metric.
If a thought brings calm, grounding, familiarity, then it is worth holding. Even in the unknowing, there is peace when trust enters the room. Hope opens the door. Faith walks through it. Trust settles in. Peace becomes the return on your investment.
Hope is not striving.
Hope is aiming with conviction.
Faith is trusting the direction.
Peace is the outcome.
This reflection applies whether the person was once on the outer edge or profoundly central. A colleague. A friend. A mother. A father. A partner. A child. A sibling.
When the old relationship ends, a new relationship begins.
That does not mean forgetting.
That does not mean minimizing.
That does not mean pretending.
It means relating.
So I offer this not as a declaration, but as a discernment question for your heart:
Does it have to be someone you used to know?
Or can it be someone you know differently now?
In memory. In legacy. In spirit. In gratitude. In the quiet ways love continues to show up long after the form has changed.
Grief can be renewed.
Grief can evolve.
Grief can be transformed into gratitude.
And gratitude, when it is honest and earned, brings peace.
That is the objective.
Not closure.
Not perfection.
Peace.
Quote of the Day
“Grief does not erase relationships; it reassigns them. What once lived in presence now lives in meaning, and meaning, when honored, becomes peace.”
– Patricia D. Freudenberg
Recommended Reading
If today’s reflection resonated, I invite you to explore my book:
Live Your Legacy: A New Spin on Mourning
This book offers a forward-focused framework for navigating grief beyond survival, guiding you toward meaning, choice, and the intentional living of legacy. It reframes mourning as a process that evolves, allowing love to move from loss into purpose.
You may place your Amazon link here.
Available on Amazon
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Patricia D. Freudenberg, Grief Consultant and Legacy Advocate
