Stop Overthinking: Trust the Process of Grief
In our fast-paced world, it’s natural to want to “fix” things—especially when confronted with the pain of grief. Whether you’re mourning a loss or supporting someone who is, overthinking can inadvertently complicate the healing journey. It’s time to pause, breathe, and embrace the process.
Imagine you’re driving a car in thick fog. Visibility is low, and the more you squint and stress about what’s ahead, the less control you actually have. What you really need to do is slow down, turn on your fog lights, and trust the road will reveal itself, little by little. That’s grief. And that’s overthinking. The more we try to “figure it out” or rush through it, the more disoriented we become.
“Stop it!” isn’t about silencing your emotions—it’s about putting the brakes on mental overload. Whether you’re the one grieving or the one supporting, overthinking can create inner chaos and even impose unrealistic timelines on the natural unfolding of grief.
The Pitfalls of Overthinking in Grief
Overthinking is often a byproduct of our desire to fix what feels broken. We run scenarios, replay conversations, and try to map out the “right way” to grieve. But grief isn’t something that can be solved—it must be lived through, honored, and felt.
According to research from Stanford University, stress can impair our ability to plan and make decisions effectively. When we’re grieving, our brains are already processing emotional weight; adding cognitive clutter can intensify confusion and exhaustion.
Embrace the Natural Flow
There is no “correct” way to grieve. There is no perfect thing to say. There’s only presence—being present with yourself or someone else. Grief is a wave, and trying to control it only makes it crash harder. Let the waters settle by choosing presence over panic.
Dr. Alia Crum from Stanford’s Mind & Body Lab shares that our mindset influences how we experience stress. Viewing grief as a natural, albeit painful, human process allows us to face it with grace rather than resistance.
For Supporters: Be Present, Not Prescriptive
Supporters, take note—your role is not to overanalyze or to “say the right thing.” It’s to be there. Sometimes silence is support. Sometimes it’s a gentle gesture or simply letting someone know they’re not alone.
Avoid overthinking how to show up. Just show up.
Final Thoughts: Go with the Flow, Not the Overflow
The journey through grief requires compassion and patience—not perfection. When we overthink, we overflow. But when we pause, breathe, and trust the process, we make space for healing.
So, if your mind is racing—whether with grief or support—just tell it, gently: Stop it.
📚 Recommended Reading
Thinking, Fast and Slow By Daniel Kahneman
This groundbreaking book explores the two systems that drive how we think: the fast, intuitive mind and the slower, more deliberate system. In the context of grief, understanding these mental patterns can help both grievers and supporters recognize when their thinking may be reactive, anxious, or overbearing—and how to recalibrate in moments of emotional overwhelm.
AVAILABLE ON AMAZON ⬇️
For more insights on navigating grief and supporting others through loss, stay tuned for our next article in the Grief Etiquette Do’s and Don’ts series.
© 2025 Patricia D. Freudenberg, Certified End-of-Life Coach. All Rights Reserved.
