Legacy Café Grief Recovery Newsletter
Written by Patricia D. Freudenberg
There’s something I’ve discovered that truly works—not just in grief recovery, but in life itself. I call it The Formula.
Most people live by a pattern: If I have this, then I can do that, and then I can be happy.
If I have more money, then I can do the things I want, and then I’ll be happy.
If I have my loved one back, then I can do the things we used to do, and then I’ll be happy.
But life doesn’t always give us what we want. We can’t control all circumstances. And part of life is loss—yes, even death and dying. That truth is painful, but it is also universal.
So what can we do when life feels like rock bottom? This is where The Formula changes everything.
The Formula: Be → Do → Have
Most people get it backwards. They chase “having” first. But the real shift begins when we turn it around:
Be.
First, you must choose a state of being. This is your authority, and only you can decide it.
You can resist being happy, or you can choose it.
You can resist peace, or you can open yourself to it.
You alone know what lifts you: music, art, journaling, cooking, walking in nature, breathing deeply, or simply looking at the sky. Choosing being comes first.
Do.
From your chosen state of being, action follows. Create, share, move, write, sing, or reach out. These actions are born from who you’ve already decided to be.
Have.
Then—and only then—comes “having.” And while you may not always have exactly what you want (for example, your loved one back in physical form), you can still have connection. You can talk to them, write to them, or notice the signs around you. You can have meaning, purpose, and a legacy worth living.
Quote of the Day
“Being is the seed, doing is the growth, and having is the harvest. If you skip the seed, the garden never comes to life.”
— Patricia D. Freudenberg
Reflection Prompt
Today, pause and ask yourself:
Am I waiting to have something before I give myself permission to be?
What simple choice of “being” can I make right now that will shape what I do, and eventually what I have?
For Realignment & Refocus
If you find yourself needing realignment or a gentle push to refocus on living a life to be remembered, I invite you to explore my book, Live Your Legacy: A New Spin on Mourning. It’s a practical, easy-to-digest guidebook filled with insights and journaling prompts designed to help you navigate grief, reclaim your inner strength, and begin building a life rooted in legacy.
Available on Amazon
Explore More at Legacy Café
For additional grief recovery resources, practical tools, and reflections to support your transformational journey, visit:
https://miss-u-gram.com/newsletter
As a Certified End-of-Life Coach, my area of focus is legacy—helping you live a life to be remembered while honoring those who have passed on. Each newsletter offers insights, prompts, and resources designed to guide you through grief and toward renewal, purpose, and light.
With care and legacy,
With care and legacy,
Patricia D. Freudenberg
Certified End-of-Life Coach (Death Doula)
Founder & CEO, Miss-U-Gram®
“Everybody wants to be remembered.”
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