What to Expect in Grief
By Patricia D. Freudenberg
The void is real.
It creeps in during the quietest moments—when you go to pick up the phone to call them, only to remember you can’t. When you RSVP to an event and instinctively write “plus one,” but your heart aches with the absence. When something wonderful happens and all you want is to share it with them. When you simply need that hug. That’s the void.
And it’s deep.
This space of longing and absence isn’t something to “get over.” It’s something to walk through. These are what researchers call adaptive challenges—the personal and emotional shifts we make to adjust to life after loss.
Research Insight: According to Stanford’s studies on adaptive leadership, adaptive challenges differ from technical ones because they cannot be solved by expertise or procedures alone. They require personal growth, deep learning, and often a reshaping of identity. This directly relates to grief recovery—where the answers aren’t always clear, and the process requires us to rethink how we live in the absence of someone we love.
So how do we build that bridge across the void?
Make the Call—Differently: If you feel the urge to call them, write it down. Journal the moment. Speak it out loud. Tell the universe. You are still allowed to express it.
The Plus One: Try going solo and rediscovering your relationship with yourself. It may feel unfamiliar, even painful—but it can also be empowering.
The Hug: Grab a pillow. Hug it tightly. No, it’s not the same. But it’s a gesture of care to yourself, and that matters.
Celebrate the Special Day: Birthdays and anniversaries don’t vanish—they shift. You can still buy a cake. Light a candle. Even purchase a gift or household item in their honor. Celebration in remembrance bridges the gap between what was and what is.
These gestures are not about replacing the loss. They’re about crossing the emotional bridge with grace, instead of trying to leap across a chasm and falling into despair.
Every time you reach for what’s missing and choose to show up for yourself in a new way, you’re laying a plank on the bridge.
Reflection Prompt: What’s one way I can honor the void today while also choosing to build my bridge?
Recommended Reading: Live Your Legacy: A New Spin on Mourning by Patricia D. Freudenberg — this book introduces the concept of “legacy” as the 7th stage of grief, offering transformative tools for walking through the void with purpose.
Available on Amazon ⬇️
© 2025 Patricia D. Freudenberg, Certified End-of-Life Coach. All Rights Reserved
