Back to Basics: Grief Journey

Grief is not a straight path, nor is it a race to the finish line. It is a deeply personal and evolving journey that ebbs and flows in its own time. We often want to push through grief, to reach a place of healing as quickly as possible. However, when we try to outrun our emotions or take shortcuts, we may find ourselves feeling stuck, lost, or overwhelmed. That is when it becomes necessary to hit the reset button—to go Back to Basics and allow ourselves to start anew.

The Power of a Restart, Reset, Reboot

There are moments in life when we realize we’ve been putting the cart before the horse, trying to force progress instead of allowing it to unfold naturally. With grief, this can look like rushing toward acceptance without processing anger, forcing ourselves to be “strong” instead of feeling our emotions, or seeking meaning before truly acknowledging our loss.

Going back to basics means embracing where we are instead of where we wish to be. It’s about surrendering to the natural process rather than resisting it. Instead of pushing yourself through grief, allow yourself to move through it—step by step, layer by layer.

The Stages of Grief: A Gentle Reminder

Each grief experience is unique, but the emotional landscape often follows a familiar rhythm. Acknowledging these stages, without forcing them, can be a way to reset and find balance in your healing journey.

Denial – The initial shock and disbelief of the loss. This stage acts as a protective buffer, allowing us to absorb the impact in small, manageable doses.

Anger – As reality sets in, emotions rise. Frustration, blame, and even resentment may surface. It’s important to allow this emotional release rather than suppress it.

Bargaining – A deep longing to reverse or change the loss. This often manifests in “if only” thoughts or spiritual negotiations.

Depression – A period of profound sadness, withdrawal, and reflection. This is when the full weight of the loss is felt.

Acceptance – Reaching a place where you no longer resist reality. It doesn’t mean the pain disappears, but it becomes more integrated into your life.

Finding Meaning – A stage introduced by grief expert David Kessler, where you begin to make sense of your loss and see how it fits into the bigger picture of your life.

Living Your Legacy – A stage I introduced as a certified end-of-life coach, emphasizing the importance of honoring a loved one’s influence by embodying their values, lessons, and love in your daily life. This stage transforms grief into a legacy of impact.

When Forward Progress Feels Forced

It would be beautiful if we could all go straight to Finding Meaning or Living Your Legacy. And sometimes, with experience, we strengthen our ability to recover. However, because each loss is different, even the most seasoned in grief may find themselves needing to start over.

Instead of trying to control the healing process, let it rain, let it snow, let the breeze flow. Allow yourself to feel the emotions as they come, without judgment. The magic question to ask yourself is: Is this working for me?

If your approach to grief feels forced, overwhelming, or stagnant, it may be time to go back to basics. This might mean revisiting earlier stages of grief, allowing time to process emotions, or seeking support.

Seeking Support: A Sign of Strength, Not Weakness

Grief is deeply personal, but that doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone. If you find yourself struggling for long periods without relief, feeling as though you are unable to move forward, it may be time to seek professional support. Whether through therapy, a support group, or an end-of-life coach like myself, having a guide can help illuminate the path forward.

I share techniques and values through both educational courses and testimony. My goal is to bring light into the darkness of grief, offering guidance and support as you navigate your journey.

Closing Thoughts: Back to Basics, Back to Healing

If you are feeling stuck, lost, or overwhelmed, know that it’s okay to begin again. Going Back to Basics isn’t a failure—it’s a courageous act of self-compassion. It is a reminder that healing is not about racing to the finish line but about embracing the process, one step at a time.

So I ask you again: Is this working for you? If not, take a deep breath, reset, and begin again. Your grief journey is yours alone, but you are never truly alone in it.

Copyright © 2025 Patricia Freudenberg, Certified End-of-Life Coach. All Rights Reserved.