Foundations of Compassion: Grief Etiquette Volumes 1–3 Do’s and Don’ts, Closing Reflections Series

By Patricia D. Freudenberg 

Introduction: As we approach the conclusion of our Grief Etiquette: Do’s and Don’ts series, we are revisiting the foundational insights that set the tone for compassionate and mindful grief support. Whether you are the one grieving or offering support, these early volumes serve as gentle reminders that the smallest gestures—when rooted in love—can leave the most lasting impact.

Volume 1 – Tell Them Sometimes, we think silence protects others. But one of the most healing things we can do is tell them—express our love, acknowledge the loss, and share the truth with honesty and grace. This includes children, who are often more intuitive than we realize. Withholding truth may seem helpful, but it can create confusion and delay emotional processing. Transparency fosters trust.

Do: Speak with love and honesty, even in hard moments. Don’t: Assume silence protects—truth, delivered gently, is healing.

Volume 2 – Don’t Tell Me How I Feel This volume focuses on avoiding assumptions and projections. When comforting someone, we may want to relate or offer cheer. However, saying “I know how you feel” or “You’ll be fine” can dismiss their unique experience. Do: Listen. Offer presence over platitudes. Don’t: Assume their grief mirrors your own or try to fix it with words.

Volume 3 – Don’t Tell Me How to Feel Projection often comes from love, but telling someone how they should feel—such as “be strong” or “stay positive”—can cause more harm than good. Allow emotions to unfold without prescribing them. Do: Affirm their right to feel whatever they feel. Don’t: Suggest there’s a “right” way to grieve.

Recommended Sympathy Gift A gentle way to honor someone’s memory is through sound. The Woodstock Chimes Memorial Amazing Grace Chime is a heartfelt sympathy gift that brings comfort through the timeless melody of “Amazing Grace.” Engraved with a touching message, it offers a sense of peace and presence during quiet moments of remembrance.

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© 2025 Patricia D. Freudenberg, Certified End-of-Life Coach. All Rights Reserved.