Grief Recovery: Reasons or Excuses

A Grief Recovery Newsletter
Written by Patricia D. Freudenberg

Dear Reader,

Today’s newsletter is a discernment check, not a comfort blanket. We are taking the inward journey, the deep step inward, where the truth lives without makeup.

You are the griever, yes, and you are also the builder. These articles are here to enlighten, to invite self-reflection, to motivate, and to spark a forward-focused life beyond the moment that changed everything. Death is a part of life. That is not cold, it is clean. The question is what you do with that truth.

Because here is the line in the sand: grief can become a reason, or it can become an excuse.

A reason says: “This hurts, so I will honor what mattered.”
An excuse says: “This hurts, so I will stop becoming.”

And listen, I am not dismissing the stages of grief. They are real. They are valid. They have a purpose. Anger can be a flare in the dark. Denial can be a temporary cast for a fractured reality. Depression can be the heavy fog that forces you to slow down. These are not failures. They are human.

But we do not build a life inside a stage. We move through them, not into them, like a permanent address.

The dual world and the discernment it demands

We live in a dual world. Light and shadow. Loss and love. Collapse and calling. That is how it was made. And no, we will never have all the answers. If you are waiting for perfect understanding before you live again, you will be waiting with your arms full of unfinished questions.

Acceptance does not mean you approve of what happened. Acceptance means you stop arguing with reality long enough to pick up your next step. So here is the inward question, plain and powerful:
In this dual world, which side are you feeding, the reason or the excuse?

Because grief will give you both options. Every day. Sometimes every hour. It will hand you a microphone and say, “Tell your story.” And discernment is choosing whether you use that microphone to eulogize your future… or to activate it.

Reasons are bridges. Excuses are cages.

A reason turns pain into purpose. It doesn’t rush you, it recruits you. It says:
“I will live out loud because they mattered.”
“I will live my truth because tomorrow is not guaranteed.”
“I will live my legacy because love deserves continuation.”

An excuse sounds convincing. It often wears a very professional suit. It says:
“Later, when I feel better.”
“Not now, because it’s too hard.”
“I can’t, because this happened to me.”

Real talk: something did happen to you. And you still get to choose what happens through you.

Legacy is not a museum for the past. Legacy is a strategy for the future. It is the part of grief that says, “My love is not buried. My love is mobilized.”

Quote of the Day

“Grief will offer you two contracts: one to pause your life, and one to propel it. Legacy is the signature that turns loss into leadership.”
— Patricia D. Freudenberg

Reflection

Take five quiet minutes and write your answers without judging them.

Where have I been using my grief as an excuse, even subtly, to avoid growth, change, or healing?

Where has my grief become a reason to live more honestly, more boldly, more intentionally?

What is one small legacy action I can take in the next 24 hours that proves I am choosing reason over excuse?

Book Recommendation

If you are ready for a practical catalyst, I invite you to read my book: Live Your Legacy: A New Spin on Mourning.
It is a guidebook, a short read, and it is designed to help you move from surviving to building. Not someday. Now. 

Available on Amazon

Closing Thoughts

You do not need every answer to take the next step. You only need the willingness to stop negotiating with what cannot be changed and start partnering with what can.

Your grief is real. Your love is real. And your life is still yours to lead.

Live out loud. Live your truth. Live your legacy.

© 2026 Patricia D. Freudenberg. All rights reserved. Miss-U-Gram®