Repression vs. Suppression

Grief Recovery Reflections

 by Patricia D. Freudenberg

During grief, our emotions are vast, raw, and unpredictable. While denial is often recognized as a surface-level response to initial loss, over time, deeper mechanisms may take hold—namely, repression and suppression. These responses are subtle but powerful, and they can significantly affect the trajectory of grief recovery.

As a certified end-of-life coach, my ongoing research and experience—backed by studies from institutions like Stanford University—confirm that both repression and suppression can hinder emotional wellness. While both are forms of resistance, it’s important to understand the distinction:

Repression is unconscious. It’s when the mind automatically blocks distressing thoughts, memories, or impulses from becoming conscious. It often manifests as fatigue, anxiety, or emotional disconnection—without knowing why.

Suppression is voluntary. It’s a conscious decision to avoid thinking or feeling something painful. It might look like staying busy, overfunctioning, or brushing off conversations with “I’m fine.”

Though these mechanisms can serve as temporary coping strategies, they ultimately delay healing. Why? Because what we resist—persists. Resistance breeds more resistance. That’s not just emotional theory—it’s physics. Energy seeks resolution.

The key to recovery is found not in resistance, but in release.

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting or dismissing the pain. It means allowing thoughts and emotions to surface—whether consciously or subconsciously—without judgment. This opens the door to clarity, wellness, and meaning-making.

If you’re unsure whether you’re suppressing or repressing, tune in to your body and responses. Are there recurring dreams, anxious moments, or disproportionate reactions to small triggers? These are often signs that there’s more beneath the surface.

The Iceberg Metaphor The accompanying image of an iceberg is more than just a visual—it is a metaphor for the grief experience. What we see above the surface represents our conscious emotions, what we’re willing (or able) to show. But beneath the surface lies the vast and heavy mass of feelings we often repress or suppress. Just like with an iceberg, the largest part of our emotional reality may be hidden, yet it’s the part that steers the direction of our lives unless we address it. Healing begins when we’re willing to look deeper.

Seeking support isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. Speaking with a licensed professional, therapist, or grief-informed coach can help you gently uncover and release what’s been buried. Sometimes, simply putting language to what has been locked away begins the path to healing.

Book Recommendation If you’re ready to explore the deeper meaning of emotional release, I recommend Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by Dr. David R. Hawkins. While this book isn’t written specifically for grief recovery, its core teaching—the power and peace found in surrender—beautifully aligns with what we face in loss. Dr. Hawkins reflects on the benefactors of letting go and embracing flow, offering practical insights that can help anyone navigating resistance, suppression, or the emotional weight of grief.

Available on Amazon: Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by Dr. David R. Hawkins

Research Insight For those interested in the scientific exploration of well-being, Stanford University’s WELL for Life Study: https://med.stanford.edu/wellforlife/research/stanford-well-for-life.html

offers valuable insights. This ongoing research examines the biological, psychological, and spiritual dimensions of wellness. It’s a helpful tool for understanding how unprocessed emotions—like those found in repression and suppression—can impact recovery and long-term health.

Prompt for Reflection: What emotion have I been avoiding lately—and what might it be trying to teach me?

© 2025 Patricia D. Freudenberg, Certified End-of-Life Coach. All Rights Reserved