Sorry, Not Sorry

Legacy Café Grief Recovery Newsletter
Written by Patricia D. Freudenberg, Certified End-of-Life Coach

In grief recovery, we often hear the words, “I’m sorry for your loss.” While it comes from a place of compassion, it can leave us wondering: Why sorry? You didn’t cause the death.

That’s the point exactly. Words carry weight, and sometimes sorry is misunderstood, misplaced, or even misused.

This is an invitation to reflect: what if instead of leaning on apology, we leaned on authenticity? What if we allowed ourselves to simply be—without feeling the need to shrink, to apologize, or to explain?

Grief is already heavy enough. You don’t need to be sorry for being you. You don’t need to be sorry for your tears, your silence, or even your laughter in the middle of mourning. Healing comes when we stand true in our humanity and let our legacy shine through.

A Personal Reflection

When I was a young girl in elementary school, my classmates often asked me: “Why are you always so sorry?” And they were right—I said it often.

Looking back, maybe at that young age it was tied to building my self-esteem, or perhaps it was my early expression of empathy. As I grew older, I realized something important: I wasn’t saying sorry out of weakness. I was saying sorry out of care.

I have always been extremely empathetic, careful not to offend, eager to connect, and sometimes so quick to share that I might interrupt. My intentions came from the heart. But often, my apologies were misunderstood—as weakness, as misuse, or as an unnecessary reflex.

My grandmother’s wisdom still echoes in me: “Common sense is not so common.” And I’ve learned that not everyone interprets sorry as empathy when used in everyday conversation. Unless it’s about real harm, many overlook it.

The truth is, my intentions resonate with the Prayer of St. Francis—words I hold close to my heart:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Let me understand rather than be understood.
Let me love rather than be loved.
Let me give rather than receive.
Let me pardon rather than be pardoned.

I don’t claim perfection; I claim the commitment to grow, to become better each day, and to help others on their own paths of healing, expansion, and purpose.

And even now, I admit: I still say sorry. It’s part of who I am. But lately—only in the past few months—I’ve been working on mindfulness. Instead of overstating my heart through constant words, I allow my presence and my vibration to be felt. Perhaps this subtle shift can make a difference.

I encourage you to try the same. You never know the ripple it might create. Intentions remain, but words can change—for the good, for the better.

Because Sorry is not my weakness—it is my heart speaking. But my truth is this: I am not weak. I am love.
And as I always say: You be you, boo.

Quote of the Day

“Sorry is not your weakness, it’s your heart speaking love”
—Patricia D. Freudenberg

Reflection Prompt

Think of a time you said “I’m sorry” out of habit rather than meaning. What could you have said instead that honored your truth?

Book Recommendation

Live Your Legacy: A New Spin on Mourning by Patricia D. Freudenberg
An easy-to-digest guidebook that offers a new perspective on grief and introduces Legacy as the light at the end of the tunnel.

Available on Amazon 

With care and legacy,
Patricia D. Freudenberg
Certified End-of-Life Coach | Author | CEO of Miss-U-Gram®

All rights reserved © Patricia D. Freudenberg
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