Encourage Good Coping:  Grief Etiquette Do’s and Don’ts,Volume 9

Grief is unpredictable—deeply personal, yet universally experienced. And as we navigate the delicate etiquette of supporting someone through loss, we’ve explored themes like giving space, avoiding projection, and not minimizing pain. But today, we shift to something equally vital: the power of encouragement.

While we must be mindful not to impose our own paths or project what worked for us onto someone else, we do have the capacity to inspire gentle momentum. Encouragement, when offered with sensitivity and love, is not a directive—it’s an invitation. It’s the planting of a seed, allowing the griever to decide if and when to let it grow.

Unlike advice, encouragement doesn’t begin with “you should.” It begins with presence. It sounds like: “I read something beautiful that helped me—if you’re ever interested, I’d love to share.” Or: “Would it help to get some fresh air together? If not today, maybe another time.” It’s about offering, not insisting.

Encouragement respects the griever’s autonomy while extending a hand. It is an act of fellowship—a love language of hope and healing. When shared in a spirit of compassion, encouragement can be a powerful force. In fact, it may be the very moment a griever begins to imagine life beyond the pain.

Encouragement is not silence. While standing in quiet solidarity is powerful, sometimes that silence—especially if prolonged—can feel like abandonment. And equally, commiserating with someone’s despair without offering a glimpse of light can deepen their sorrow.

There is a balance: to witness the pain without feeding it, to acknowledge the darkness without extinguishing the hope of dawn.

Encouragement is sharing—not instructing. It’s offering thoughts and options, not solutions. It’s inspiring without pressure. It’s letting someone know, gently, “you’re not alone,” and reminding them that even in the depths of grief, there are small ways forward.

Excerpt from the Recommended Read: In his later work, The Encouragement: The Unexpected Power of Building Up, Dr. Larry Crabb writes:

“We underestimate how powerful simple acts of encouragement can be. To speak into someone’s pain—not to fix it, but to affirm their worth and strength in the midst of it—is to help them see what they’ve forgotten: they are not alone, and they still matter.”

This deeply reflective book reframes how we view encouragement—not as cheerleading, but as a soulful way of helping someone reconnect with meaning, identity, and courage. Crabb reminds us that encouragement is not about removing sorrow but shining a light within it.

If you’d like to purchase or explore this book further, you can use the link you have or visit your preferred bookseller for The Unencouragement: The Unexpected Power of Building Up by Dr. Larry Crabb.

Available now on Amazon ⬇️

https://amzn.to/3XVHa0P

As we continue learning how to support others with grace, let us remember that encouragement can be the bridge between presence and progress. Between mourning and meaning.

Let us be seed planters. Not forceful gardeners, but gentle cultivators of hope.

© 2025 Patricia D Freudenberg, Certified End-of-Life Coach. All Rights Reserved.