Identity Crisis

What to Expect on the Walk of Grief

by Patricia D. Freudenberg

One of the most unexpected outcomes of grief is the feeling of losing not only someone you loved, but losing a part of yourself. This phenomenon, known as an identity crisis, is more common than we often realize. While grief usually brings feelings of sadness, longing, and emotional pain, it can also quietly stir questions that shake our self-perception to the core.

Who are we now?

Are we still a wife if our spouse has passed? Are we still a mother if we’ve lost our only child? Do we still consider ourselves a daughter, a sister, a best friend, when the one who gave that role meaning is no longer here?

These questions don’t come with easy answers, and yet they are deeply human. And while language offers words like widow, what about everyone else? There is no single term for a parent who has lost a child, or a sibling whose other half is gone. But that doesn’t mean those roles disappear.

Let the dust settle. You are still that person. Your relationship may have changed form, but your connection, your legacy, and your love endure.

Certified End-of-Life Coach Insight: Embracing Legacy

As a Certified End-of-Life Coach who embraces legacy, I can confidently say this is where healing begins. Legacy becomes a key to recovery. When we reclaim who we are—even in the face of loss—we affirm that we still are that person. Don’t second-guess it.

Even though your circumstances have changed because of the death of a loved one, it does not change who you are. And by embracing the legacy piece—by continuing to carry the torch in their name and honoring yours—this is where peace comes in and the dust settles. Through the teachings of legacy, you don’t just survive grief—you transform through it.

Research Insight A study by Stanford University’s Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences explored how grief affects personal identity. Their findings noted that bereaved individuals often experience a “diminished sense of self,” particularly when the lost relationship defined a major role in their lives. This psychological disruption is natural, and with compassionate support and meaning-making practices, most people gradually reestablish a stable sense of identity while incorporating their loss into their ongoing life story.

Final Thoughts In the fog of grief, you may feel like you’ve lost your footing—but who you are hasn’t vanished. You’re still you. Your story has a new chapter, but your title remains. You’re still a daughter. Still a mother. Still a spouse. Still a friend. And most of all, still loved.

Prompt: Who are you still, even after loss? Write it down. Say it out loud. Claim it.

Recommended Reading: If today’s reflection resonated with you, I invite you to explore my book, Live Your Legacy: A New Spin on Mourning. This guide offers compassionate insights into grief recovery. It introduces “Legacy” as the transformative seventh step in the grieving process—a light at the end of the tunnel.

Available now on Amazon:⬇️

Live Your Legacy: A New Spin on Mourning

“Because everybody wants to be remembered.”

© 2025 Patricia D. Freudenberg, Certified End-of-Life Coach. All Rights Reserved