“Don’t judge.” It sounds simple—maybe even cliché—but it’s one of the most challenging human habits to break. Judgment isn’t just about voicing an opinion. It becomes real when we fixate on our perception as the absolute truth, when we speak it aloud, act on it, and perhaps even influence others from our own lens of what should be.
But who are we to decide how someone should grieve?
Yes, you are entitled to your opinion. You are human, after all. But in this article, I’m asking you to keep that opinion to yourself—and even better, to let it go.
From a Christian perspective, I say: let go and let God. Let our Creator—or the Universe, if that’s your belief—hold the weight of judgment. Because whether you’re guided by faith or not, judgment is still a human default. It’s natural to have internal thoughts or reactions, but real support means resisting the urge to cast them outward.
Especially in grief.
Grief has no universal timeline. What works for one may not work for another. Just because you wouldn’t do it that way doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Whether someone is deeply grieving weeks later, or seemingly “okay” after years, it’s not our place to assess or grade their healing.
Judgment can show up subtly—in a side glance, a sigh, a whispered comment, or a look of disbelief. Even silence, when loaded with energy, can become a form of judgment. That’s why this requires an inward journey.
Pause. Reflect. Would you want someone doing that to you? Probably not.
So instead, choose compassion. Support is judgment-free. Love is judgment-free. Even if you think you know better, try keeping that thought in your pocket—or better yet, release it altogether. You might be surprised by the peace that follows.
Let’s practice grace. Let’s be kinder. And in the quiet of our hearts, let’s trust that love—not judgment—is the greatest comfort we can offer.
For a deeper understanding of how our minds form judgments—both instantly and through deliberate thought—Thinking, Fast and Slow by Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman is a foundational read. This book explores the two systems that drive the way we think: the fast, emotional, intuitive system, and the slower, more rational, logical system. Kahneman provides insight into how these systems affect our perceptions, influence our decisions, and shape our biases, often without our awareness. This makes it especially relevant when discussing the psychological roots and impact of judgment.
© 2025 Patricia D. Freudenberg, Certified End-of-Life Coach. All Rights Reserved.
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